wow i can't believe how long its been since i've written. once this was the hottest thing on the block and now its yesterdays new. i'm in this constant internal struggle. basically.. should i stay or let it go. Even tho i feel at ease, comfortable, safe, with brandon i still struggle for my independence, my freedom, my individuality. i want to see and do so many things, but my heart tells me i wont be able to with brandon at my side. I finally realize why i'm so dear to him. it finally after almost 4 years occurred to me. i'm the only women in his life. his mom never showed him any love, i was the first women to love him, and he doesnt want me to stop loving him. so i feel guilty when i think of leaving him. i feel ashamed to even consider it. i know also if we spilt there will be a period of loneliness, sadness, for both of us. i know i can handle and move on, but i dont want him to be hurting. we argue all the time, mainly because i don't know what i want to do. should i stay or let it go?

i feel like dropping out. i have no support, besides mallory and brandon. and its not fair to them that i am so dependent.

well tonight im going to talk with grandparents.. about the future. the possibilities. im nervous!

licensed!

insured by tomorrow!